My Food Bites!

Welcome to the Mouth Rave where there's a party in my mouth and my opinion is invited!

I finally bought a spatula!! Now I can cook things on both sides, which should really help my food taste better!!  Thank God I walked by that garage sale after my car broke down.

I finally bought a spatula!! Now I can cook things on both sides, which should really help my food taste better!!  Thank God I walked by that garage sale after my car broke down.

Birthday Duck (NOT suck) Feast!

Well…nobody showed up.  Not even Abhijit and Raghav.  I posted flyers all over Technical Logistics Services advertising my “Birthday Duck (NOT SUCK!) Feast!”

I thought it was clever because people at TLS make fun of me trying to cook, so I thought I’d nip it in the bud by telling them it won’t suck.  I even chose to cook duck BECAUSE it rhymed with suck.

But I guess it’s for the best.  Apparently, I’m not good at making duck.  I didn’t know you had to remove that layer of fat.  The whole thing caught fire and burned. At least one the outside. The inside was pretty raw.  But it cost $75, which is usually a week’s worth of groceries so I had to eat it.

Plus I’ll have to put some extra time in at Technical Logistics Services.  So, look out Abhijit and Raghav, there are some serious disapproving looks coming your way!


Can anybody help me?  What kitchen utensil is this?  My ex-wife left it in the cupboard when she moved out and I can not for the the life of me figure out what it’s for.  It vibrates all over so I assume it’s for some sort of mixing or baking, but I have SCOURED the Williams Sonoma website and keep coming up empty!  So far I’ve been using it to beat my eggs, but it makes my whites go everywhere! HELP!!!

Can anybody help me?  What kitchen utensil is this?  My ex-wife left it in the cupboard when she moved out and I can not for the the life of me figure out what it’s for.  It vibrates all over so I assume it’s for some sort of mixing or baking, but I have SCOURED the Williams Sonoma website and keep coming up empty!  So far I’ve been using it to beat my eggs, but it makes my whites go everywhere! HELP!!!

UNSANITARY!!!!!!

Pumpkin Pie

My wife has been on me to throw out our pumpkins that have been sitting on our porch since October. Sure, they’re pretty droopy and rotten, but I hate to just toss them, I spent hours on those smiley face designs!   

So, I thought I’d be real smart and repurpose them.  Into a pumpkin pie! YUM!

I rinsed them in the sink, smooshed them down into a pan with a pie crust and baked for an hour and twenty minutes.

Well, they didn’t turn out that well. I guess I should have rinsed out their insides too, because apparently it was FILLED with those little flies.  All of which were dead inside my pie.  Also, they tasted terrible! And rotten pumpkin probably didn’t help.

FINE! My wife was right, AGAIN!  I’ll try again next year, putting them to good use BEFORE they rot! YUM!

I put this poster up in our kitchen today. No more fast food, only fancy homecooked cuisine in this space from now on! Unfortunately, I got home from work late today. Damn that new rule!! Why didn’t I at least go grocery shopping before I put it up!! I’M STARVING! I want fast food! Those delicious cheeseburgers, curly fries, milkshakes and soda and fried apple pie! I HATE YOU POSTER!!!!

I put this poster up in our kitchen today. No more fast food, only fancy homecooked cuisine in this space from now on! Unfortunately, I got home from work late today. Damn that new rule!! Why didn’t I at least go grocery shopping before I put it up!! I’M STARVING! I want fast food! Those delicious cheeseburgers, curly fries, milkshakes and soda and fried apple pie! I HATE YOU POSTER!!!!